Philanderers, Sexual Harassers, and Johns! Oh Boy!

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Rob Filner.  John Edwards.  Bill Clinton.  Eliot Spitzer.  Mark Sanford.  David Vitter. Larry Craig.  Anthony Weiner.  

What do these names have in common?  They are all white men, first of all.  They have law or business degrees, except for the fine Mayor of San Diego who has a Ph.D.  in the History of Science and was a History Professor at San Diego State before running for office.  They are all philanderers, sexual harassers, or Johns.  Oh!  And, they are politicians.

With Anthony "Carlos Danger" so present in this month's media and Filner taking his two week intensive “re-hab” for assaulting his female colleagues, I spent some time researching the men who came before them in the long tradition of philandering politicians.  

Filner’s two week hiatus from his job as Mayor is "to address his 'intimidating conduct' and failure to respect women" (http://www.10news.com/news/mayor-bob-filner-begins-behavioral-therapy-at-undisclosed-location-080513).  Let's deconstruct his so-called "intimidating conduct." 

Of the ten women who have come forward, their allegations involved him asking them to work without panties, grabbing their asses, kissing them, touching their faces and asking if they will sleep with him.  See the detailed disgusting list at this link, but be sure to have an empty stomach: Accusations.

What he has done is not simply "intimidating conduct" but sexual harassment and in some cases, sexual assault. Whoever his Olivia Pope is who decided that to come out and say he was going to get two weeks of intensive therapy for decades of "cringe-worthy" behavior is brilliant.  He should not only step down from his job, but he should be sued for his behavior and possibly charged with assault.

In my humble radical feminist opinion, women should be screaming for him to step down.  The fact that these men --and yes, these politicians with issues are men-- (we don't hear about female politicians behaving this way) continue to "serve" as public servants makes me sick. 

Out of the list at the top, many of these men, after their falls from grace, continue to pursue public service jobs.  Eliot Spitzer is running for Comptroller of New York, which seems like a big step down from Governor.  Mark Sanford just became a U.S. Representative of South Carolina in a special election, after serving as Governor of that state.  David Vitter is a U.S. Senator from Louisiana.  His involvement with the DC Madam scandal merely affected his run for Governor of Louisiana.  Larry Craig no longer serves in office but opened a consulting firm that deals with energy issues, a.k.a., he's a lobbyist.  Bill Clinton has become a major philanthropist and supporter of his wife, Hilary Rodham Clinton.  And it appears that John Edwards is gearing up to get back in the so-called political saddle. 

None of these men have had their lives ruined by their so-called inappropriate behavior nor their, in some cases, illegal behavior.  I'd like to be Superman, turn back time and put women in their places and see what kind of after effect shows up with women harassing, cheating and buying prostitutes.  I would bet their lives would be touched forever by those indiscretions.  The double standard starts in high school and continues long into our lives.  

But how do we as a culture accept this behavior?  I'm shocked that these ten women are just NOW coming forward to call out the lewd and illegal behavior of Filner.  I can't even look at his picture without gagging and seeing the spittle on the cheeks of women who are Deans, College Administrators, Rear Admirals, and businesswomen.  We need to speak up when we see, hear or experience this type of behavior and call it unacceptable and illegal. 

But I know how institutions work.  And often, when someone cries out, the institution does everything in its power to cover, hide or sweep the truth under the rug.  When I was 21, I worked at the Norfolk Yacht and Country Club as a waitress.  The Assistant Manager sexually harassed me one night as I was walking through the closed dining room.  He motioned to his leg and pointed out how long his penis was.  I complained to the Manager, a woman.  She said he was “just kidding.”  I was too young and naïve to know I should have gone over her head.  Plus this was two years before Anita Hill spoke her truth.  We live in a culture where sometimes it’s not worth the headache and the struggle to speak the truth, particularly if you won't be believed nor get any redemption for the crimes against you. 

A Media Vacation

Last Tuesday, we loaded up the camper and took off for the 23rd Annual Grassroots Festival of Music and Dance in Trumansburg, New York.  The drive takes six hours and for most of it we listened to music on the radio or on my iphone.  That evening we swam at the pond, had dinner with my family and sat around a campfire  talking and laughing.  No TV was watched that day.

The next day we hung out by the pond some more.  (It was in the high 90s).  And later that day my husband and I went out for an early dinner with my brother and his lovely partner at a restaurant called Stonecat in Hector, NY and off to play nine holes.  The night ended, again, by the campfire by the pond. My birthmother's husband built a pyramid style campfire that night.  I began to avoid social media as well.  No TV was watched that day. 

On Thursday the men in my group (my husband, brother and a friend) biked the three miles into town where our cars were lined up to get into the festival.  I got dropped off a few hours later.  We were in and set up at the festival by 12:40pm.  The next four days were spend by our campsite at the festival, seeing live music at one of the four stages, eating at the vendors, or heading out to the pond for an afternoon cool down.   No posts to Facebook.  No Tweeting.  No TV was watched those four days. 

We didn't read any newspapers.  I left my iphone in my camper top drawer merely so I could hear if I got a text from someone local, usually asking if we needed anyone to pick up beer or ice.  We saw some great music.  My top three include Driftwood, The Mad Tea, who I have loved since first seeing them at the Shakori Hills Grassroots Festival in 2005, and Spam Allstars, who "blend improvisational electronic elements and turntables with latin, funk, hip hop and dub to create what they call an electronic descarga." I always love seeing one of my favorite bands Donna the Buffalo. 

We leisurely packed up the camper on Sunday to make it back to the pond for dinner and a final campfire before we took off on Monday morning.

A week without any media (other than live music) is something more of us should experience.  Most of what I write about for this blog is about critiquing what I see on the TV or hear about in the news.  I didn't have much that pissed me off all week except hearing the stories from my family of the Pro-Fracking folks in the area.  Perhaps I would be less pissed off if I was less engaged with the media.

As I drank my coffee Tuesday morning and watched a bit of the Today show with my nieces and in-laws, I wanted to throw up.  The two big news items were that the Pope's car  had been surrounded by people in Rio, as his driver took a wrong turn, (surrounded by Catholics dying to get a blessing?  Oh my God!) and the new baby of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.  These two examples were enough to make me want to throw out our TV.

Spend a day or two away from media and see if it changes your perspective a bit.

To Speak Badly of One Woman is to Speak Badly of All Women

As you will see from the following link, a lot of very mean men wrote horribly misogynist things about Marion Bartoli, the French woman who won the women's singles at Wimbledon this year.   (Marion Bartoli).

In my line of work, I spy sexism all over the place.  And racism.  And heterosexism. But this incident has me particularly pissed.  Serena Williams may be tall, but she isn't blonde and one would NEVER see those same kind of comments made about her very awesome athletic self.  There are numerous so-called "ugly" men who play tennis who would never be called sluts or fat because they weren't tall and blonde. 

One of the biggest problems with this open world of social media is that people can actually tweet comments or write comments they would NEVER say in public.  For a few years I felt that homophobia, heterosexism and fat hatred were the last vestiges of public (meaning people DARED to say stupid shit in public about other people) oppression remaining in our culture, but lately, I feel like sexism and misogyny is getting a resurgence that makes me want to vomit.

Perhaps it is all connected to the War on Women.   The attacks by republicans on women's BASIC human rights to control her body and her fertility might be setting a bad tone.  I mean, if those rights can be attacked, why not call us fat sluts at the same time.

If you can stand it and you scroll further down into the "Public Shaming" article you will see tweets that go from calling her a slut to calling her a dyke and saying she has a penis.  I mean, god, can you imagine a female athlete being a lesbian, being tough, and being strong?  What is this world coming to?  Jeez. 

For me, I want to organize and have a strategy to fight this.  Couldn't the corporate executives who own these social media have policies about racism, heterosexism and sexism?  Couldn't they have language about what types of hate speech will not be allowed?  Call me crazy, but we know the FCC has rules around what words can be said on the radio and on TV.  If those same misogynists and homophobes who spoke so horribly of Marion were using racial slurs, would there have been a different backlash or comment?  The twittersphere and blogosphere went nuts when The Onion called Quvenzhane Wallis from Beasts of the Southern Wild a cunt.  Is it because she was a Hollywood actress, a child or is it because women's athletics doesn't get that kind of attention?

What makes all of this worse is that even the BBC reporter John Inverdale remarked that Ms. Bartoli was "never going to be a looker."  What does THAT have to do with her playing tennis?  Are you fucking kidding me?  Who is his boss?  Do any women producers work for the BBC who might clue him in that Bartoli is an athlete and her looks have NOTHING to do with her talent? 

Seeing blatant sexism like this, 22 years after I decided to be a feminist makes me feel old, sad, frustrated, and disappointed.  First, I'm disappointed that we are still raising men, HUNDREDS of them, as you'll see from those tweets, who feel that way about women.  Who are their mothers and sisters and daughters?  Do they not get that to speak badly of one woman is to speak badly of all women?  I'm frustrated that we have an educational system that does not address sexism and misogyny at a young age.  I'm sad that the progress I have dedicated most of my career to seems to be slipping backwards. 

And for those of us with really good men in our lives, take a moment today to thank them for not being an asshole like all those jerks who tweeted so negatively about a champion.  Apparently it takes a lot more effort to be a good man these days than to just tweet that someone is a slut. 

Sexism and Racism and Classism, Oh My!

This past week has been one that in the words of my student "my parents did not raise me to be a queer feminist filled with the wrath of a thousand enraged dragons and yet here I am."  Here we'll recap all the awesome oppression taking place in a country which, on the cusp of it's "birthday" still doesn't get it.

Sexism:  I want to think this is internalized sexism, but it might include a little class privilege along with it. Serena Williams comments about the victim in the Stuebenville rape case were appalling. 
"Do you think it was fair, what they got? They did something stupid, but I don't know. I'm not blaming the girl, but if you're a 16-year-old and you're drunk like that, your parents should teach you: Don't take drinks from other people," Williams said to Rodrick." She's 16, why was she that drunk where she doesn't remember? It could have been much worse. She's lucky. Obviously, I don't know, maybe she wasn't a virgin, but she shouldn't have put herself in that position, unless they slipped her something, then that's different." (quoted in http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/18/serena-williams-steubenville-rape-victim_n_3462519.html).  My question is why this topic was even being discussed in a Rolling Stone article. 

Sexism Two:  Texas.  My favorite quote by Texas State Senator Wendy Davis, "Lawmakers, either get out of the vagina business or go to medical school."  

Racism:  Cheerios put out a commercial with an inter-racial couple http://youtu.be/kYofm5d5Xdw.  Apparently inter-racial couples are controversial and there was so much hate speech about it that Cheerios disabled comments.  I continue to be amazed that in 2013 people actually have the balls to write out racist comments in public. Maybe I shouldn't be shocked.  I get socialization, I get all the theory behind oppression but I don't get people who hate. 


Racism Two:  Paula Deen. 

Classism:  Why does a millionaire sports figure like Aaron Hernandez decide to commit murder when he could afford to hire an anger management therapist? What a sad moment for young children who look up to athletes like him.

Now THIS is a Whale of a Tale

Yesterday on a friend's Facebook status, I saw that a local music and arts festival, called The Whaling City Festival of New Bedford, was partnering with a local radio station, WHJY, to hold a contest called "Show Us Your Whale Tale"  (Whale Tale Contest).

A "whale tale," for those of you who did not know (like me!), is when a woman's thong rides up her low riders so you can see it.  The contest page provides a link to examples of "whale tales."  (This was the least offensive one I could find). 

The mission of The Whaling City Festival is, "To host the biggest and best family oriented event in the Whaling City. With 44 years experience and a new President we have fresh, innovative ideas to help grow and improve with each year."  I guess the new President's "fresh, innovative ideas" involve some family-oriented butt cracks. 

The Director of Tourism, from the Town of Fairhaven, was called a "Puritan" for complaining about the contest.  All the comments on the WCF's page link, above, are incredibly negative. 

The WCF posted this on their FB page, 8 hours ago, in response to the negative criticism.

"In light of recent development, we have reconsidered our sponsorship of the Whale's Tail contest with 94 HJY.
Ultimately, the Whaling City Festival cares more about the family oriented activities, and brand than a marketing campaign. We also do not want to alienate anyone. We apologize to those we offended, as it was not our intention to do so. It was a bad mistake and we take full responsibility for it.
This decision was made in the past hour, and 94 HJY's offices couldn't be reached, so there may be a delay in the mention of WCF as a sponsor. Rest assured, it will cease.
In the future, we will maintain congruency with our advertising and marketing. We will make sure the promotions reflect our core values and something families can be proud of.
As always, we genuinely consider all feedback, criticism, and comments. We hope you will continue to provide these, so that we may continually improve.
Sincerely,
-WCF"

What is most appalling about this entire tale, is that 1) the organizers of the WCF thought this was a good idea to market their event; and 2) that the WCF  has a board of directors or staff that include very few women, as they most likely would have said "hey, that's not such a good idea" (WCF Contacts) and 3) that this type of contest is even considered acceptable marketing for any organization, including a rock n roll radio station.  

One of the best things about Facebook is how quickly word can spread on any issue.  But even while the WCF has decided to discontinue the sponsorship with WHJY, the radio station has not yet taken down the link connecting the contest to the WCF.  The delay alone is another 8 hours or more of bad press.  And this supposedly 42 year old festival must be struggling anyway, as their entertainment schedule includes a blank calendar, less than a month before the festival is to open.  What's that about?  

While the WCF has taken down their sponsorship, even though it still lingers on the WHJY page, feel free to drop the President a line asking how decisions like this even get made.

ARichard@WhalingCityFestival.net

  

BDD or Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I often write about the media's effect on women. I rarely write about my own feelings about my body. This past week, however, I had a very interesting conversation with a group of women about their bodies. To avoid naming names, I will describe them this way.

·      Woman one I'll call Betty. Betty is probably a size 4-6 and probably 5 feet 7 inches or more.

·      Woman two, I'll call Jane. Jane is a size 2 and about 5 feet 4 or 5 inches.

·      I'll call woman three Sally. Sally is probably a size 4-6 and is probably the same height as Betty. I'm not good at judging height.

·      And there's me, woman four. I wear a size 10-12. I'm 5 feet 2 inches. In a nutshell, I'm the big-boobed girl with a belly in the room.

All of these women are smart and have very good professional jobs. One runs a large nonprofit organization, one is vice president of a financial institution, one was her college class valedictorian, and I have a doctorate.

Betty hates her body. She says it's lumpy. She has two children who are mostly grown up. But she is very insecure about her belly. She goes out of her way to snack all day long on specific types of food in order to keep her belly from feeling bloated. What she nibbles on all day would leave me nauseous because I would be so hungry. And she is very self-conscious about the way she looks. In my eyes, she is a skinny, pretty woman.

Jane, like Betty, is very careful about what she eats. She's a vegan, so not only does she eat very little, she only eats beans and veggies. She is also very concerned about feeling bloated. She is less "dysmorphic" than Betty but is very attuned to her body's changes and strict with her diet.

Sally loves her body. She thinks her boobs are too small but she knows she'll never have the "perfect" body as it is a myth. She's cute and comfortable in her skin. And I will add, out of the four of us, she is a woman of color.

And then there's me. So there's a lot I love about my body. My legs. My hair. My ass is okay, while a little flat. I'm told I have great tits, but they are definitely a little too big to be lugging around my whole life and have certainly contributed to my shoulder issues as I've aged. My stomach is the source of my "dysmorphia," but we have had a bad relationship since I was in high school and was what one would call skinny. It is what it is, although as I have moved into my 30s and 40s, I've certainly had to be more careful about WHAT I put into my body as gaining weight comes much more easily than it did in my 20s.

So what's the point of Jane’s, Betty’s, and Sally’s body hatred you might ask? I guess what is most illuminating about this conversation is how obsessed these very smart women (particularly Betty and Jane) are about their bodies. They spend a good deal of time fretting over how they look and what they eat, and when I look at them, I see very smart, beautiful women. I just wonder how much time they could spend doing other things to change the world if a little less time was spent worrying about their body size or the size of their bellies. 

A simple search of "body dysmorphic disorder" this morning yielded three quizzes. I've included them below if you want to take one and see if you, too, might be spending too much brain time on your body. I had a revelation when I was in my 20s that if women spent less time thinking about how big their thighs are, what kind of radical change could happen in society? Perhaps it is a patriarchal conspiracy against women to keep us obsessed about our bodies so we have no time to run for office, question authority, demand equal pay, fight for reproductive rights, or even, maybe, take over the world???

http://www.ocdla.com/bdd-test.html
http://www.pamguide.com.au/anxiety/bdd_test.php
http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/sclark68.htm

The Sad Story of Miss Kaitlyn Hunt

Kaitlyn Hunt is an 18 year old high school senior from Florida.  She was arrested, once she turned 18, for statutory rape, or what they are calling lewd and lascivious battery of a child 12 to 16 years of age.  The police taped a conversation with Kaitlyn and her girlfriend.  The relationship occurred, according to Hunt's father, when the two were 14 and 16, but the younger girlfriend's parents waited until Kaitlyn turned 18 and had her arrested.  They have offered a plea deal "that would allow her to avoid registering as a sex offender if she pleads guilty to lesser charges of child abuse. State Attorney Bruce Colton said he would recommend two years of house arrest followed by one year probation if she takes the deal."

There is a lot going on in this case.  And I'm not sure where I stand on it, except that I know I had two relationships with seniors when I was a freshman in high school.  One of those seniors turned 18 while we were dating and my parents could easily have accused him of statutory rape (if they knew we were sexually active, which they didn't, at the time).  But they never would have done so.  I was in love.  They knew that.  They knew we were teenagers, even though one of us did turn the "official" age of 18.

I do not think statutory rape laws were put in effect to disallow teenagers from having relationships with each other.  They were put in effect to keep young women from being prayed upon by older men.  I think of the 21+ year old and the 15 year old.  

Or is this just about a young girl's parents being totally freaked out that she's possibly a lesbian?  I think so.  To go and ruin her "friend's" life without ever even talking to her or the parents seems very strange.  An intelligent, caring and mature parent would have asked the Hunt family to come over and discuss the issue and tell Kaitlyn she couldn't see their daughter again until their daughter was 18 or something like that.  Now that would make sense.

The whole situation seems very sad to me and I can only hope the Judge who hears this case sees it the same way.  See more here.

What do you think?  Is this rape?  Do 18 year old seniors need to only have intimate relationships with people their age or older?  Realistically how often does this happen?